From Old to New

As this year draws to a close, we reflect upon the many happenings of the old year and look forward to the events of a new one.
This has been quite a year for our family...

January--Julie heals from an accident and another year begins.

February--Flowers amidst the snow.

March--In like a lamb, is Spring here all ready!? Rebekah wins the School Spelling Bee and competes for the Region Scripps Spelling Bee.  The children love holding cousin's baby chicks and ducklings.  Joe and Julie attend BYU's Alumni Ball together again!  (Whew--so glad to NOT have meningitis this year).

April--Arches Trip for Spring Break with Aunt Beth and family.  Cousin Jonas is born!  We miscarry a baby on Easter (Factor V Leiden). 

May--Anniversary (and Family) trip to Las Vegas.  We see the Donny and Marie Show featuring dancer Aunt Kelene (Dave Campbell's wife) and visit friend Cassy Dickerson.  Jonathan makes and races his first Pinewood Derby in Scouts!  Sixth grade Graduation.  Schools end and Summer begins.

June--Rebekah and Hannah attend Girl's Camp (but not at Camp Shalom which is still buried in snow!)  Dear Neighbors grandson drowns and family comes to stay with us.  Joe celebrates his 40th Birthday!  We celebrate Midsummer with a new backyard firepit.  We learn at the end of the month that I am expecting another baby!

July--Older girls attend Girls Retreat at Logan Campus.  Jonathan has a SuperHero Birthday party.  Ultrasound of the tiny baby reveals--two babies, one heartbeat.  Brother and beloved Uncle, Michael Joseph Clayton passes away expectantly.  Elfi is readmitted to the hospital (her Lymphoma has returned).

August--We say our final good byes and our sweet sister and Aunt Elfi passes away.  We meet her sister, Hilde, from Austria and speak and sing in a tearful funeral.  Hannah attends her JV Ballroom Clinic.  We host Joe's Family Reunion in Mexico (Puerto Penasco), Mom Clayton falls and breaks her back.  Ben Campbell gets dog bite, Montage Get Away (with S and E) and School begins.

September--One Freshman, One Middle Schooler (at PHS--in the Gifted Program), Two in Elementary (including a bored Kindergartner), and a Preschooler.  All four schools and a tricky schedule for Mom! Another year for Julie's preschool.  Joe's work assignment changes from Actuary to head over I.T.  Brigham City Temple Dedication (with most of the family).

October--General Conference announces new age for missionary service, Ben Campbell and friend Ara visit and stay with us from Korea, children excited about Halloween and making caramel apples.

November--Mitt Romney looses the election to Barak Obama.  What will happen in the U.S. during the next four years time?  We host Clayton's Thanksgiving and count our blessings even as we miss loved ones Elfi and Mike.

December--We see The Hobbit movie opening day.  Snow!  School break!  Family neighborhood gifts of a manger for baby Jesus filled with hay.  Hannah's Christmas Ballroom concert.  Rebekah's Choir concert.  Jonathan's Winter Concert at the BYU MOA and a special Nativity painting to see.  Santa!  Viral Flu and Pneumonia.    

Three Levels of Christmas

Three Levels of Christmas
by William B. Smart
Messages for a Happier Life, (Deseret Book, 1989), 33-34.

Christmas is a beautiful time of the year. We love the excitement, the giving spirit, the special awareness of and appreciation for family and friends, the feelings of love and brotherhood that bless our gatherings at Christmastime.
In all of the joyousness it is well to reflect that Christmas comes at three levels.
Let’s call the first the Santa Claus level. It’s the level of Christmas trees and holly, of whispered secrets and colorful packages, of candlelight and rich food and warm open houses. It’s carolers in the shopping malls, excited children, and weary but loving parents. It’s a lovely time of special warmth and caring and giving. It’s the level at which we eat too much and spend too much and do too much – and enjoy every minute of it. We love the Santa Claus level of Christmas.
But there’s a higher, more beautiful level. Let’s call it the Silent Night level. It’s the level of all our glorious Christmas carols, of that beloved, familiar story: “Now in those days there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus....” It’s the level of the crowded inn and the silent, holy moment in a dark stable when the Son of Man came to earth. It’s the shepherds on steep, bare hills near Bethlehem, angels with their glad tidings, the new star in the East, wise men traveling far in search of the Holy One. How beautiful and meaningful it is; how infinitely poorer we would be without this sacred second level of Christmas.
The trouble is, these two levels don’t last. They can’t.
Twelve days of Christmas, at the first level, is about all most of us can stand. It’s too intense, too extravagant. The tree dies out and needles fall. The candles burn down. The beautiful wrappings go out with the trash, the carolers are up on the ski slopes, the toys break, and the biggest day in the stores for the entire year is exchange day, December 26th. The feast is over and the dieting begins. But the lonely and the hungry are with us still, perhaps lonelier and hungrier than before.
Lovely and joyous as the first level of Christmas is, there will come day, very soon, when Mother will put away the decorations and vacuum the living room and think, “Thank goodness that this over for another year.”
Even the second level, the level of the Baby Jesus, can’t last. How many times this season can you sing, “Silent Night?” The angels and the star, and the shepherd, even the silent, sacred mystery of the holy night itself, can’t long satisfy humanity’s basic need. The man who keeps Christ in the manger will, in the end, be disappointed and empty.
No, for Christmas to last all year long, for it to grow in beauty and meaning and purpose, for it to have the power to change lives, we must celebrate it at the third level, that of the adult Christ. It is at this level—not as an infant—that our Savior brings his gifts of lasting joy, lasting peace, lasting hope. It was the adult Christ who reached out and touched the untouchable, who loved the unlovable, who so loved us all that even in his agony on the cross, he prayed forgiveness for his enemies.
This is Christ, creator of worlds without number, who wept because so many of us lack affection and hate each other – and then who willingly gave his life for all of us, including those for whom he wept. This is the Christ, the adult Christ, who gave us the perfect example, and asked us to follow him.
Accepting that invitation is the way – the only way – that all mankind can celebrate Christmas all year and all life long.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas 

from our house to yours!
Dear Family and Friends, please forgive me for NOT getting out a card/newsletter this year.  Rebekah came down ill before Christmas and we have been fighting a viral flu.  Currently, I have asthma, pneumonia, and sinus infections.  Not sure that I can get back on my feet as soon as I hoped.   

Wishing you all a wonderful New Year 2013!

Oh, No! Clayton Family Dinners have visited OUR house!

Tonight, Joe and I woke from an afternoon nap rather late.  While Joe set to returning the Redbox movie that was due before nine (and in which we would have forgotten about, typically, until 8:45), I heated up burritos smothered in green sauce over rice, shredded lettuce, washed tomatoes and put in corn to heat.  Not enough for everyone--Turkey hotdogs are heated up too.
We called the children to "Dinner"--Hannah coming grumpily--having just awakened herself.

So, what did anyone learn about at Church?

Jonathan is asking, "What's the difference between Franfurters, Hot dogs, and Wieners?"

Susie and Jonathan are carrying on a separate conversation--Hey, that's not a wiener, anymore!  Jonathan says.  "No!  It's squishy like a cow's gutter (udder)!"  Susie retorts, squeezing the naked hotdog she has been peeling with her teeth in half. 

Joe and I taught Susie's class today with what I thought was a powerful lesson on Forgiving Others as Christ Did), "Susie, what did you learn about in Church?"  "Thanksgiving and turkeys!"  (The last 10 minutes of my lesson, of course!)

Meanwhile, Eva is singing loudly, "Poop and Pee!  Pooppy, Pee Pee!"

Hannah and Rebekah?  Rebekah was demonstrating a perfect "Hannah" as she prepares to eat anything--she licks it with her tongue.  Apparently, other cousins at the Family Reunion in Mexico noticed this too and had Hannah in stitches.  (Rebekah currently enjoys her Drama class and shares tid-bits about acting with us on a daily basis.)

Stick to A Task

Stick to a task 'til it sticks to you;
Beginners are many, but enders are few.
honor, power, place and praise
Will come, in time, to the person who stays.
Stick to your task 'til it sticks to you;
Bend at it sweat at it, smile at it, too.
For out of the bend and the sweat and the smile
Will come life’s victories, after awhile.


My mother, a thespian Red Devil from Springville High, used to quote this to us-while we did our chores.   LDS President Monson often is heard quoting the beginning of this but I really like the last several sentences.  Hope YOU do too!

Fall Leaves

Fall Leaves up Rock Canyon for Family Night.

 What is it with boys and rock slides, seriously?!  

This was one of several oh so tempting "climbs."

 Ahh, grasshopper!  JUMP, JUMP!

 Why yes, she did haul her thick (new) The Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan on our hike! 
Hiking and reading go hand-in-hand as you know.

 "Cheese!" (Kids pull the funniest poses last second, don't they?)

Delicious (and Easy) Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies.  

Did we just undo our hike?

Giant Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
Recipe from The Best Bake Sale Cookbook
Ingredients:
1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1 cup dark brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour, lightly spooned into measuring cups and leveled with a knife (very high altitudes may want to try adding 2 additional tablespoons of flour)
1 cup quick-cooking oats
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt (or 3/4 teaspoon table salt)
3 cups (or 18 ounces) chocolate chips (I used the big Ghirardelli milk chocolate chips and don’t think I wouldn’t be above using those chocolate chunks you can get in the baking aisle…)
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 325. If desired, line baking sheets with parchment paper or silicone mats.
Beat the softened butter, sugar, and brown sugar with an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Add the egg, egg yolk, and vanilla and mix until combined.
In a separate bowl, combine the dry ingredients (except the chocolate chips). Add to the butter/sugar/egg mixture and mix until combined. Add the chocolate chips and mix until just combined.
Using a 1/4 cup ice cream scoop, drop the dough by the scoopful onto the prepared baking sheets. You should be able to get about 6 cookies per sheet. Bake in the preheated oven for 12-15 minutes or until they begin to turn light brown around the edges. Remove from the oven and cool for 5 minutes and then transfer to a wire cooling rack and cool completely (or don’t…no shame…) Makes 18 giant cookies. If you’re feeling more modest, you can always use a smaller cookie scoop.  (We used our big cookie scoop and it made at least double the amount listed.  Also, I upped the cooking temp to 350--because our oven runs cooler than most and they still take about 12-15 min.  Look  for slightly brown around the edges.  So Yum-ME (as Baby yells)!

A Wicked Witch for Halloween?

 

Do you know the name for the Evil Stepmother of Snow White?  Grimhilde!  

That is who our Princess wants to be for Halloween!  

At least, that is who she wants to be today.   Mind you, in her less than 6 year old mind, her costume ideas are subject to change and have all ready changed from a Fairy, Snow Queen, Princess Aurora, or any other Princess to an Evil Queen.  I needed to know this morning because as per tradition at her school she (and I) has to craft a paper doll look-alike of her costume and it was due today!

In our haste, I forgot to get a photo of the final costumed doll.  Just picture the white pattern with a dark blue velvet dress glues on and the blue ribbon gathered and glues in the center (under the white yoke).  Now, Princess knows what she will do when she grows up--make Paper Dolls and sell them!

Unconquered

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

Who was English Poet William Ernest Henley and why did he write this poem? Hensley was hospitalized for tuberculosis (of the bone) as a young man--age 17. After a painful lower leg amputation, he was told he would need another operation to save his other leg. However, he went to a different doctor and was able to keep his other leg by undergoing intensive surgery on his remaining foot. While recovering, he was moved to write the words of this poem. This challenge, as well as impoverished childhood, inspired the poem.  Despite his disability, Hensley led an active life until his death at the age of 53. The title "Invictus" (Latin for "unconquered"^[5]) was added by editor Arthur Quiller-Couch when the poem was included in The Oxford Book of English Verse .^{[6][7]  Wikipedia.}

The Stars Shine Brightest Amdist the Darkness

We're back from Mexico!
We carried off the Capbell Family Reunion and the race is ON to get all the children registered for schools, applying ofr lockers and school lunches, bus schedules, and school supplies--not to mentioned my doctors appointments and Susie's dentist appointment scheduled (for a painful cavity).

My Visiting Teachers visited yesterday.  These are two older sisters from the ward who are my other's age.  They began by asking about her.  (She fell and broke her L2 when we were in Mexico and then they delayed the surgery she needed until my Father went to the Head of the Hospital and pleaded  for help.  She is hoe now, but in a lot of pain.)

Then they told me they were sorry to hear of my brother Michael's passing.

So much has gone on this Summer, it is hard not to feel at times numb to it all...Elfi's aggressive Lymphoma and miraculous "cure", our miscarriage, neighbor's grandson's accidental drowning, Elfi's return of Lymphoma--need for Bone Marrow Transplant, Kelene Campbell's Mother's Bone Cancer, our pregnancy and (another) miscarriage, heart and neurological trouble, Scott's suicide--leaving wife Jenny and son to find him!; Michael's death, viewing, funeral, and emotional legal battles, mom's broken back, Elfi's extended hospital stay, etc.  All of this takes place between children's chores, piano lessons, Ballroom Camps, YW Camps, the mundane and usual and family happenings.

Then, one sister mentioned that she was sorry she did not come to the Funeral but was having her own "Family Crisis" during that time.  I asked her about this towards the end of our visit.  She has only a few grandchildren.  (One of her daughters has not married...others have a child or two.)  Her daughter that visited earlier on this Spring from Italy (where her husband is stationed with the U.S. Military) and their two children, has a daughter in the hospital.  "The little girl (5 yrs. old) complained of a headache in the morning and a stomachache in the afternoon.  Then she began seizures.  She is in acoma in the hospital in Italy.  Doctors have done brain scans but report very little activity because of the seizures she had.  They are saying it is Encephalitis/Viral Meningitis.  They suspect she will pass away soon even though the father has requested a transfer to Utah so they can bring her to Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake."

Wow, this hit so close to home.  Joe and I had Viral Meningitis a year and a half ago and I am sure the severe neck, back pain I have (that doesn't respond to Tylenol and so I try cold packs, etc.) is residual nerve damage.  So innocent and sweet.  It seems that many children are being called "home."  I ached for this sweet lady--the pain so raw on her face.

What to do?  I went to a local bookshop and looked up books, partly for myself and partly for her.  I am afraid.  I don't want to "have time" for grieving...I have put it off so I could carry on with "Life."  What now?

Focus on the stars (the lights within the darkness) and move forward, I guess.

Today I woke up sick--sneezing, sore throat, climbing fever, kind of sick.  Thank you, Eva.  You are so sweet, we will try and not be too upset you gave me your cold (and it feels like I was hit by a Mack truck!)
Faith, Tylenol, popsicles and lots of tissue--that's what is getting me through.

Yesterday was Michael's funeral and a very long day.  I really enjoyed the two friends' talks by Keith Jacobson and Senator Mike Lee.  Also, the song I was leading (I am a Child of God, all four verses) sounded better than I thought it would--thanks to a practice during the viewing with Melissa, Stu, and Joe.

In the evening (after my daytime nap), we ate dinner and then spread a blanket on the floor, brought together a big bag of mini chocolate bars and Tootsie Rolls, and began to read The Chocolate Touch aloud.
What is better than chocolate for bringing serotonin and peace after a trying day, right?!

I did not count on chasing Eva down so often as her naked little hiney whizzed around the corner time and time again and her little potty is quite loud on the kitchen wooden floor--oh well.  She had no nap and so we gave her a little lea way.

A funny thought came to me at the Viewing last night.  God is merciful and though hard for us for Michael to pass right now--better for him.  He had not lost all his dignity to this debilitating disease, yet!

The day before--my silly heart struggled to "turn over" and "right itself" after laying down with Eva for a long time to put her to sleep on my left side.  When I got up and took Hannah across town, my heart was beating funny and full of pressure--I thought I was having a (mostly painless) Heart Attack.  When I Googled things, it turns out to fit a condition called MVP--Mitral Valve Prolapse.  This is a genetic condition that Mike (probably) had and my Mom.

Doctor Gordon Harkness mentioned that this may even be so intense becuase I halved my thyroid medications and it is TOO LOW and my heart is working hard while dormant.  Cardiologist are very hard to get into so we may have to get in through the ER.

This has added yet another lay of pressure on this early pregnancy.  Oh well, Proverbs 3:5-6 right?

Bittersweet Hope

This morning Joe accompanied me to the Infertility Endocrinologist, Shawn Gurtcheff, where she performed an early ultrasound.  We found out several weeks ago that we were expecting and also had a strange "almost period" at the beginning of June.  Was this implantation bleeding?  Could I be further along than usual?
The mind does strange things the night before an ultrasound.  In my early morning dream, an older Eva was followed around by two toddler boys, twins, with dark brown straight hair.

Well, the ultrasound showed a yoke sac, embryo, and fluttering heart beat.  Early, Six weeks.  AND another yoke sac.  A second sac.  Smaller.  No heartbeat or embryo detected.  Dr. Gurtcheff mentioned that it may have been that this sac was not fertilized or that it was not implanted.  "The body will probably reabsorb this sac."

Part of me feels torn.  Happy to have seen a little heart beat fluttering (which does cut down miscarriage rates to less than 50% when seen--but miscarriage is still an option, at least for the next six weeks or so.)  Sad to realize that this baby may have started out as two, one never developing (VTS--Vanishing Twins Syndrome).  This is much more common than we realize and has been brought up more because of technology and early ultrasounds where the second sac is found and identified before the mother, placenta, or baby's body absorbs the second sac.  Hmm.

Fool Hardy to hold out hope  for two--that conceptions and implantation dates could have been different and that might justify the smaller sac not detecting a heart beat yet?  Probably so. Still, I want to hold out hope!

Happy to be pregnant?  Yes.  Feeling like I've been pregnant all ready WAY too long to learn I am only just at the very beginning! Yes.

Estimated baby coming--mid March 2013.

When it Rains, it Pours!

The Korean's have a saying something like 'Bad things happen in 3s."  So, right about now--we would be finished with bad things.
It has rained today--a real answer to prayers--to help in the forest fires that have flared up all over the western states this dry, hot Spring.  It hasn't rained in 36 continuous days here, until today.  Today--we had "rain" inside and out!

About a week ago, we learned that we have a leak in the old, shingles that replaced the newly restored Exercise room.  Joe and I agreed to remove all the shingles ourselves to cut costs...can't in rain.

Joe's car wouldn't start after work, he limped to the car dealership to get it fixed, they stayed late and he tipped well only to have it not start?  Starter need replacing?

Anticipating the beginning of Summer holidays, birthdays, and reunions, I replaced all Dixie plates, lunch and dinner sizes, formal paper napkins, cups, etc. last week at Sams Club.  Joe heard a "rushing" sound and figured a teen was in the shower, Rebekah heard water and figured I was running a bath for sick Susie, Nope!  Jonathan came runnig up to our room yelling, "Mom, Dad, we've got a leak!  It's raining down stairs!"

Major leak in the upstairs new girls bathroom--flood, moved everything salvageable to the garage tonight...First night in ages ALL children were in bed by 9--got them all up (but whiny, sick Susie) to help carry stuff off Food Storage shelves to garage.  New carpet and pad all sopping, etc.

A bit overwhelmed!

The Master Gardner of My Soul  (rough draft)

Gardening in the sunshine this morning--
The birds sing, the sun shines down through dappled shade,
the hose lays at my feet--water gurgling musically over the patchy lawn.

Distracted.  I glance up at the roses which have run wild.
With clippers in hand, I cut off the limbs at random that reach towards heaven, spindly.
I trim them down so that the blooms may grow
ever bigger to fragrance the warm afternoon wind.

I place more pots of greenhouse flowers
yet to be planted around--in the garden, by the flower gardens.

What does my husband think--of all these pots of vegetables, flowers, and fruit?
Maybe his wife his gone mad?
It is a beautiful madness, still.
Our garden, front yard, and back yard are shaping up.
Finally, tended and forced from their wild states to ones of more structure and rigid routine.

Raking, hoeing, hacking out the weeds and volunteer brambles, things less desirable in our garden.

I reach over and pull an errant weed from the dry caked soil, looking at the once living, green thing before throwing it to the ground and grabbing more weeds.

Reaching, grabbing, grasping weeds and ripping them loose...Ahh.
Bending, sweating, exhausted--
A ray of light pierces my cloudy thoughts and I begin to cry,
as a drop of rain begins to fall watering my dark, dry, dormant thoughts.
Why all the gardening and the tending, the planting and mending?

Why?  Why the fixation with taming, trimming, tending, watering--
even after sunset and into the darkness.
Why the need, the urgency to prepare, to plant, to beautify?

The answers come like sprinkler water to dry soil,
To hide the dirt, 
the darkness, 
the pain of loss.
My own loss.

The ugliness, the shock, the pain, as a tiny baby once again slips free of the fertile grasp
it once had in me and lets go
and is gone into the water and is washed away.

Sweet Baby.  Why did you have to go away?
Just in the Springtime...on Easter Sunday.

I bought herbs and lavender instead of Easter Lilies this year.
(Excited to plant something to live and grow, thrive and survive--
not like our cut Easter Lilies that bloom and fade and eventually die.)
Transplanted, the herbs made it safely to the soil.
Now, they thrive but the lavender did not.

Why do some plants and children thrive and grow--unbeknownst to themselves the wonderful,
 nurtured lives they lead?
Others, who bloom with such great promise, like the Lavender, fade away and are gone
or as the petunias, under the carefree grasp of a young toddler, are plucked up, smelled, thrown down,
forgotten, and shrivel up.

Is there one in charge of this vibrant patch of eternal ground,
this bit of earth,
this bit of clay, the living, growing human inside of me?

Who is in charge here--where souls, like plants and weeds, are saved or disregarded?  The living souls, no longer bright, the remains a brittle shell of it's once glorious being.

Who can know these things?  The Master Gardner, of course.
It is He that I seek.
He, to whom, all is known.

He clothed the lilies of the fields
in their splendid skirts of scarlet,
He feeds the birds of the sky
even noting when one sparrow falls.

Does he, like rose limbs, cut me back--errant limbs reaching for the sky but producing no blooms?
Must he, like me, rake the hard earth, hacking it up, mixing soil and clay,
Toiling to make me a more fertile place where once more a tender, small, soul may be planted?

Can He see the barren soil of bitterness left in my heart,
and doubt amidst the patches of green hope and bright flowers of faith?
Is He trimming back my thorny, limbs?
Finding the wick under the fragile, dry soil facade.

Will the pain, the stretching, the bending, the breaking, reveal a new life?
Uncover a new, undiscovered, strong soil--like rich brown earth tilled up under the cracked,
hard dirt of the painful experiences of my past?

Will He water me with water of everlasting life,
instead of my poor excuse for moisture--the salty tears I have shed?

Does he have a master plan, for me, in His eternal garden?

I know He does.

It's late at night--after one o'clock.  "What am I still doing awake?" you might ask--finishing the second machine load of laundry (the upstairs machine--Eva found me while I was doing the downstairs laundry and after I had put her in her bed...everyone else had finally fallen asleep.)  Long day...Rebekah's contact appointment, picking up my sister's children, setting up babysitters (it is so nice to have older girls!), writing out their schedule, starting lunch, write a few emails, start two loads of laundry, put two two year olds to sleep, drive back to sister to house clean before the 4th, drive home, eat dinner, drop son off at a late night, take Hannah shopping, visit the Stadium and walk there and around to familiarize Hannah with it.
Home for scriptures and prayers.
Best part of my day...when I had zoned out and Eva's sweet little voice rose up to me, still singing, "I love my Mom!"  I began to sing back to her,"I love my Eva, I love my girl, I love my Evie!"  So blessed~!

Just in case you're wondering...

It has been a little wild around here.  More wild than what I thought Summer "Vacation" would be.
Recently, my older girls have returned from Girls' Camp, we are "Dog Sitting" a Boston Terrier for my little sister (and yes, cleaning up the front law after little dogs go out to use the bathroom is still new for us and I stepped in some "Milo" today while talking to a neighbor), and Eva came down with a good blister on her hand--confirming Hand/Foot/ and Mouth Virus (Coxsakie) that kept both Joe and I home from church today at various times; Eva, as fate would have it, woke from an afternoon nap and had a fever and then promptly threw up right before we served guests dinner, and it was my thirty-ninth birthday. 

Man, does that seem old!

It has been a bitter sweet few months for us.  Part of me has stayed away from Blogging about what has been happening in my life because then I would not have to acknowledge the pain of miscarriage, yearning, and waiting...for our will to be surrendered and swallowed up in His will and something miraculous (another pregnancy?) to happen.

I stayed up looking at and writing notes and thoughts about International Babies up for adoption.  (There are some really cute little Russian Boys available--although, the ones pictured online that were available for "immediate adoption--within seven to nine months" did have physical disabilities).  Joe refused to fall into the madness and look until 4:00 a.m. at them.  He is holding out hope that the Lord may have one of these little guys (or another little gal) reserved for us to have, naturally.

Since our Easter miscarriage, I was told I have a gene mutation (Leiden Factor V; said "5") and been unable to conceive again and unable to find an Endocrinologist who will see me and help me understand my Irregular Testosterone Panel and high SHBG levels. 

I was told by one nurse on Wednesday, who was reading my records, "Dr. ______ does not deal with Estrogen Replacement patients!"  Huh?  I've never had Estrogen replacement in my life and was recently told that I should avoid estrogen in the future to not aggravate the clotting disorder that was newly diagnosed.

It is sometimes hard to go to any store here in Utah.  Within minutes of going "Birthday Shopping" with my (last minute but I love him) husband last night, we entered Target and there was two brand new babies and a very pregnant woman getting out carts.  Everywhere, everywhere, at Walmart, are sweet little babies and parents and families!

I'm still working on getting the Preschool set up for the Fall.

I'm still hoping to get to those: Art Lessons, Sewing Lessons, Bike Riding Lessons, Laundry Sorted and Given Away, Garden planted (with discount plants we purchased and did not grow from seed indoors--even though we had the seed, Home "Summer" School started, Fall Soccer signed up for, Gluten Free Menus planned, and scheduled Recreation for the Summer.

I had a wonderful birthday surrounded by the ones I love the most, even if they ad a hard time giving me the thing I asked for--Happy Helpers.  Thank you, dear ones.  What is one your mind lately?  Any good plans this Summer?

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

 

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right

 There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame

 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk

 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels

 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

In Memory--Cheiko Okazaki

“Only you know your circumstances, your energy level, the needs of your children, and the emotional demands of your other obligations. Be wise during intensive seasons of your life. Cherish your agency, and don’t give it away casually. Don’t compare yourself to others — nearly always this will make you despondent. Don’t accept somebody else’s interpretation of how you should be spending your time. Make the best decision you can and then evaluate it to see how it works.”

~Chieko N. Okazaki

Before You...

Before you act, listen.

Before you react, think.

Before you spend, earn.

Before you criticize, wait.

Before you pray, forgive.

Before you quit, try.

~Ernest Hemingway

My Heroine, Elizabeth Smart, Said

"Nobody is trial-free,
but we have a choice,
we can choose to allow
our experiences to hold us back,
and to not allow us to become great
or achieve greatness in this life.
Or we can allow our experiences
to push us forward,
to make us grateful
for every day we have and to be
all the more thankful for those who are around us."
--Elizabeth Smart, April 2012

Joy in the Resurrection

Today was a bitter sweet day for us. We had a lovely, big holiday breakfast with festively dyed hard boiled eggs, fresh strawberries, blueberry waffles (thanks to Eggo), and cream and all the children gathered around us--we are rich, indeed. While we ate we listened to "He is the Resurrection and the Life" and talked about an Easter Traditions that started when Joe and I were dating. We loved to get up early and see the sun rise over the temple and wander through the gardens listening to the quails sing. We would find a soft, grassy place upon the hill above the temple and read about Christ in the Bible and Book of Mormon and about how after his death he visited the Nephites in America who were gathered around the temple and taught and blessed them too. After, we would wind up back at his house, my house, or later "Ours" for waffles, fresh berries, and cream--our Easter Morn Tradition. After breakfast this morning though, I miscarried our very little baby. We had only a little while to plan, dream, and hope for this one. The timing was not ideal, like the miscarriage on New Year's Day 2006. I whispered to Joe. Susie was running a slight fever and so Joe took the older children to church and meetings, and I stayed home with the younger girls. In the afternoon, Joe, Hannah, Rebekah, and I got the hams in the oven and began peeling and slicing potatoes for the two large pans for the Easter Family Dinner we were hosting for extended family. We listened to Troy Dunn's "Free Samples" talk to the youth where he tells them about how "free samples--like Whippy Cake, instill a "need" for something. Let's make sure that we watch what "free samples" we take and that we avoid temptation. Family Dinner was a success! Delicious food, egg hunting fun, games, and conversation. We missed Aunt Melissa and hope that she and little four day old baby Jonas slept together. Perhaps, Jesus would have me remember specifically on a day like today His promise in John 11:25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: I know Heavenly Father is aware of Joe and I and our family. I must believe that He has other things in store for our family and that He knows best when he calls one of his tiny babies home early.

What Women Want, As Seen by Dad

What women want, as seen by Dad

By Davison Cheney, ksl.com Contributor

March 23rd, 2012 @ 7:28pm

SALT LAKE CITY — The other day at the car wash, I was recently asked what I thought women really wanted.

I was there, you know, washing dog puke out of the nice living room rug, so I gave what I thought was a real no-brainier, the obvious answer at that moment: Women would like not to have dogs in the house, especially those prone to projectile vomiting with a sensitivity to sitcoms.

I have been watching my wife this past week, and I think I have been able to come up with a few specifics and a few general "no's" that I really feel would make her life easier.

OK, that is pretty unique and specific to my wife/dog situation. And as long as our dog, Meg, finds the living room rug the best place to enjoy a comedy and a good purge, then I can see where my wife is coming from.

But I have been watching my wife this past week, and I think I have been able to come up with a few specifics and a few general "no's" that I really feel would make her life easier — poor word choice, but I can think of no appropriate other.

To my children:

Mother would like you to call her when you are going to be late coming home. What she would really like is for you not to be late at all so she can stop taking that little blue pill for her ulcers, but if you are going to be late, please call.

If you plan on consistently being late even if you call, a thoughtful gift would be a spare bottle of those little blue pills. A bottle of prevention is worth a gut load of cure.

When you come home late, don’t think she was just kidding about wanting to be awakened at whatever hour to let her know you are home. Even if she is sleeping, she is not sleeping. Open the door and let her know so she doesn’t make me come after you — because at 1:30 in the morning, I will do whatever she asks, and I will hunt you down to appease her — I don’t care if I embarrass you in front of your friends.

She won't care if you need to blame something square on her, like “oh my mom is so old fashioned that I have to be home by 11:00. Let her look domineering and make yourself look like the perfect angel for pampering your slightly stingy mother. She is happy to take the blame as long as it gets you home on time and safely.

Sometimes letting it slip that your mom takes good care of you when she is pretending not to listen to your cell calls would make her proud and make the sacrifices you may not have noticed worth it for her.

Give her the "key word" when you call and she will be there in seconds if you ever get uncomfortable with any situation you think could turn south in a hurry. You know the word — we have practiced it enough. Remember to use it, and we will be there in the drop of a hat — and she will feel like her life is worth living.

Even a “hey, mom, use these earrings — they look so good on you!” goes such a long way to helping her remember that once upon a time, before the bills and the meal preparations, she was a girl like you.

Mothers like it when you do your chores and clean your room; and when you invite someone over to visit, help clean the house before they arrive. What a kind gesture that mother doesn’t forget. Sometimes letting it slip that your mom takes good care of you when she is pretending not to listen to your cell calls would make her proud and make the sacrifices you may not have noticed worth it for her.

I have found that when I compliment you, my sons and daughters, it makes my wife feel better about all three of us. Three dodo birds with one stone, as it were. I am sure that if you think about yourselves from her angle, you can come up with a few of your own. Her life is all about you, her child. Even just a small acknowledgement can bring back some lofty dividends, and maybe your children will continue the tradition.

Mothers want you to be yourself in the world and do your best — which is starting to sound like "world peace" and "doing good in every little endeavor." So I'll stick to what I know — plumbing. I know personally that women want good plumbing. In order for my wife to be happy today, I have some duct tape and a few washers to buy.

---

Cheney writes, often humorously, at davisoncheneymegadad.blogspot.com.

Spelling Bee Scholar

Our sweet scholar, Rebekah, won the school Spelling Bee and Qualified for the Scrippts National Spelling Regional Bee held at Vivint from schools all across Utah today. Even though a tricky Hindi, Arabic, Asian word, masala tripped you up--we are SO proud of you! (Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's--Luck O' the Irish be with ye!)