What Women Want, As Seen by Dad

What women want, as seen by Dad

By Davison Cheney, ksl.com Contributor

March 23rd, 2012 @ 7:28pm

SALT LAKE CITY — The other day at the car wash, I was recently asked what I thought women really wanted.

I was there, you know, washing dog puke out of the nice living room rug, so I gave what I thought was a real no-brainier, the obvious answer at that moment: Women would like not to have dogs in the house, especially those prone to projectile vomiting with a sensitivity to sitcoms.

I have been watching my wife this past week, and I think I have been able to come up with a few specifics and a few general "no's" that I really feel would make her life easier.

OK, that is pretty unique and specific to my wife/dog situation. And as long as our dog, Meg, finds the living room rug the best place to enjoy a comedy and a good purge, then I can see where my wife is coming from.

But I have been watching my wife this past week, and I think I have been able to come up with a few specifics and a few general "no's" that I really feel would make her life easier — poor word choice, but I can think of no appropriate other.

To my children:

Mother would like you to call her when you are going to be late coming home. What she would really like is for you not to be late at all so she can stop taking that little blue pill for her ulcers, but if you are going to be late, please call.

If you plan on consistently being late even if you call, a thoughtful gift would be a spare bottle of those little blue pills. A bottle of prevention is worth a gut load of cure.

When you come home late, don’t think she was just kidding about wanting to be awakened at whatever hour to let her know you are home. Even if she is sleeping, she is not sleeping. Open the door and let her know so she doesn’t make me come after you — because at 1:30 in the morning, I will do whatever she asks, and I will hunt you down to appease her — I don’t care if I embarrass you in front of your friends.

She won't care if you need to blame something square on her, like “oh my mom is so old fashioned that I have to be home by 11:00. Let her look domineering and make yourself look like the perfect angel for pampering your slightly stingy mother. She is happy to take the blame as long as it gets you home on time and safely.

Sometimes letting it slip that your mom takes good care of you when she is pretending not to listen to your cell calls would make her proud and make the sacrifices you may not have noticed worth it for her.

Give her the "key word" when you call and she will be there in seconds if you ever get uncomfortable with any situation you think could turn south in a hurry. You know the word — we have practiced it enough. Remember to use it, and we will be there in the drop of a hat — and she will feel like her life is worth living.

Even a “hey, mom, use these earrings — they look so good on you!” goes such a long way to helping her remember that once upon a time, before the bills and the meal preparations, she was a girl like you.

Mothers like it when you do your chores and clean your room; and when you invite someone over to visit, help clean the house before they arrive. What a kind gesture that mother doesn’t forget. Sometimes letting it slip that your mom takes good care of you when she is pretending not to listen to your cell calls would make her proud and make the sacrifices you may not have noticed worth it for her.

I have found that when I compliment you, my sons and daughters, it makes my wife feel better about all three of us. Three dodo birds with one stone, as it were. I am sure that if you think about yourselves from her angle, you can come up with a few of your own. Her life is all about you, her child. Even just a small acknowledgement can bring back some lofty dividends, and maybe your children will continue the tradition.

Mothers want you to be yourself in the world and do your best — which is starting to sound like "world peace" and "doing good in every little endeavor." So I'll stick to what I know — plumbing. I know personally that women want good plumbing. In order for my wife to be happy today, I have some duct tape and a few washers to buy.

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Cheney writes, often humorously, at davisoncheneymegadad.blogspot.com.

Spelling Bee Scholar

Our sweet scholar, Rebekah, won the school Spelling Bee and Qualified for the Scrippts National Spelling Regional Bee held at Vivint from schools all across Utah today. Even though a tricky Hindi, Arabic, Asian word, masala tripped you up--we are SO proud of you! (Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's--Luck O' the Irish be with ye!)

Raising Teens by Brandon Comstock

Raising teens: There's no instruction manual, but there are some guarantees

By Brandon Comstock, ksl.com Contributor

March 9th, 2012 @ 7:27pm

HURRICANE — For whatever reason, children are the experts when it comes to asking, “Why?” It starts around age 2 with genuine inquisitions about how the world works, then peaks in the teenage years with genuine challenges of your authority.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not implying that parents don’t pepper their children with their fair share of “why’s” as well. But for most parents, the question they really want answered isn’t a why, but a "what" — as in, "What do I do now?"

The fact is, the old saying is true: “Kids don’t come with an instruction manual.” But since that doesn’t bring much comfort, let me reassure you, they do come with some guarantees.

Children are likely going to rebel

From pushing curfew to experimenting with sex and drugs, at some point (probably in their teens), your child is likely going to push the limits on authority.

“Teens tend to rebel against authority as a natural means towards seeking independence,” said Ben Ashcraft, marriage and family therapist at A Time for Change Counseling Services. “This comes out so significantly as teens because the drive to make their own decisions is greater than ever before, yet they are still typically living under their parents' authority.”

In fact, according to Ashcraft, a little rebellion can actually be a good thing, since it helps teens learn to make decisions and live with the consequences.

“If they did not rebel, they would not be developing their sense of independence, which prepares them for adulthood,” he said.

Parents are going to make mistakes

Teens, of course, aren’t the only ones making mistakes.

Be a parent for long enough, and you’re bound to have a situation that you wish you had handled differently. Whether you came down too hard or were way too lenient, learning to be a good parent takes a lot of trial by error, and every parent makes at least a few mistakes.

If you think your teen hasn’t figured this out, you're fooling yourself. But what might surprise you is that, despite recognizing your weaknesses, most teens recognize the difficulty of being a parent and genuinely appreciate your effort.

“I know my parents are doing the best with what they’ve been given. I know my mom (and dad) feel the pressure to step up, but I think with what they’ve been given they do the best they can and they try hard,” said 17-year-old Kolbey Peterson.

“I think they’re doing all right. Do they make mistakes? Definetly, but I’m turning out OK,” added Brooklynn Gubler, age 15.

In other words, while they’re not likely to give you the same “all I expect out of you is the best you can do” talk that you give them, odds are, if you asked them, most teens would agree: Just do the best you can.

Fear can stymie progress

If you do nothing out of the fear that you’ll make things worse, things will rarely get better.

Understanding that we all make mistakes is a good thing. It can make it easier to bounce back after making a poor choice. But it also comes with a serious side effect: fear. Fear that we’ll make mistakes, and fear that making those mistakes will only make the situation worse than it already is.

The fact is, teenagers are still living at home with parents for a reason. They need the guidance, counsel and structure of parents to help them learn how to make proper decisions.

Generally, it’s fear that motivates most parents to adopt the idea that “I’m not going to do anything else because I don’t want to push them away and make it worse.” As a result, a teen continues to make difficult decisions based only on the pushes they receive from peers and other non-parental influences.

The fact is, teenagers are still living at home with parents for a reason. They need the guidance, counsel and structure of parents to help them learn how to make proper decisions. In other words, they need someone to push them in the right direction.

Elder Larry Lawrence, a member of the Quorum of the Seventy for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, put it this way: “Imagine for a moment that your daughter was sitting on the railroad tracks and you heard the train whistle blowing. Would you warn her to get off the tracks? Or would you hesitate, worried that she might think you were being overprotective? If she ignored your warning, would you quickly move her to a safe place? Of course you would! Your love for your daughter would override all other considerations. You would value her life more than her temporary goodwill.”

So, in answer to the classic parenting question, “What do I do?” the best answer might just be, “Do something.” Do the best you can — anything, really — to make sure your child knows what you think and that you care. Whether it be a two-month grounding or a two-minute talk, just do something. Then, even though you make mistakes, when your child uses their favorite question to challenge your parental logic, at least you can confidently answer, “Because I love you, that’s why.”

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Brandon Comstock is an instructor of religion at Hurricane High School seminary. He previously worked as a Career preparation mentor at BYU-Idaho and currently serves as the employment specialist in the LDS Hurricane 8th Ward.

Positively ADD, Book Review ****

This book caught my eye at the library recently. Our family has been learning about and juggling with this condition recently. ADD/ADHD seems to get a very bad wrap until recently when Rick Riordan wrote his award winning book series about Percy Jackson, an ADHD adolescent who also has Dylexia and is a demi-god who is only beginning to realize his powers and worth in the fight between good and evil. I think that book series alone, gave many children and teens (possibly adults) with this condition hope and the ability to find good within this condition.
Positively ADD; Real Success Stories to Inspire Your Dreams by Catherine A. Corman and Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.

One quote in particular was interesting to me. "People with ADD also wrestle with getting organized, being on time, making plans, following through to the end of tasks, keeping up with ongoing projects, taking care of details, and prioritizing what needs to be done next. These so called executive functions can wax and wane in people with ADD, leading to a pattern of underachievement. Many people see this behavior as evidence of laziness, lack of interest, or lack of drive and commitment. Most of the time, nothing could be further from the truth. People with ADD are typically ferociously tenacious. They are not lazy--but they can get lost. And they can agonize as they try to find not the easy way out in life but the right way in."

Funny Kid Moments

Recovery in Pink and our Little Artist who loves to D(r)aw!

Eva on her way down from the top of the bookcase.

"Muh-Nah-na!" (Banana) Eva came upstairs on Thursday morning and asked me for a Muh-nah-na! Just like an African chant or swear word.

"Get down, Evie. That is not safe!"I say. (Eva is standing on one arm of the high office chair, balancing her weight or climbing up the bookcase.) I hear a little voice say--"but it's fun!"
 
"Tahda! Call me 'Recovery in Pink!'" Susie announced on Wednesday morning as she got ready for school. "Why? Because I found and put on all different shades of pink!"

 "I heard that Jonathan! You'd better be careful because I just woke up and I have super sensitive hearing right now!" Hannah informed Jonathan--Mom busts up laughing wondering first of all--hey, why didn't I get a nap? Second, I never have a "super" power after napping!?

"It was like a symphony of spontaneous events. Wanna know my most epic experience? It was when I burped, laughed, and sneezed at the same time. It was the most epic moment of my entire life!" Proud 11 year old daughter.

"Oh, if your making cookies--then put some vegetables in them (so I won't know)!" Susie's request of her daddy on Sunday afternoon, the last part was whispered.

Just found a post it dated March 8, 2012 from a recorded conversation with Susie.  "Mom, could you help me make another brother?"  "How?"  "It's easy!  A robot!  You can just make it from parts...Oh, it will be SOO fun!"  (Hmm.  So innocent!)

(Princess--who comes up while I am writing on the computer and begins to brush my hair...)  "Wow, Mom--Your hair is getting longer!  Woah Momma--your hair is really long!  It's because of this brush...If you brushed your hair all night long it'd be as long as Repunzels!"

Elfi Has Ovarian Cancer?

To those of my friends or family who may (out of guilt or obligation?) sometimes read this blog--please keep in mind our family member and friend, Elfi (Elfreida Panholzer). A doctor stopped by her home today to deliver news on a CT Scan she had done today. She has masses in her stomach, ovaries, and liver and unknown fluid in her stomach and surrounding organs. It is not know at this point in time whether it has reached her lymph nodes. Guess I know who and what to fast and pray about shortly. Thank you in advance for your thought and prayers for Elfi. I know God listens to and answers prayer. (Although, I do not know how He will answer Elfi's prayers). Update--Elfi's blood screening for colon cancer came back clear but her ovarian cancer screening came back more than high risk. We are awaiting biopsy results but it is looking like the stomach mass is metastasized ovarian tumor that has come up through her ovaries and is almost blocking her stomach output. She is in the hospital, on IV fluids currently.