This Christmas Could Change Your Life

LIFEadvice: How this Christmas could change your life

By Kimberly Giles, ksl.com Contributor

December 20th, 2011 @ 8:33pm

The Christmas season always encourages more loving thoughts – at least for a few weeks. I’d like to share an idea that might make your “Christmas attitude change” last a little longer.

I encourage you to take a closer look at the story of Christ’s birth this year. Even if you are not religious, there was an important message delivered that night in Bethlehem, which you may have missed.

The moment Christ was born the angels appeared to shepherds watching their flocks by night. The angels delivered this often overlooked message of Christmas in the first two words they said.

They said, “Fear not… For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.”

What you may have missed are these words: “Fear not.”

It is only when you have no fear that the best you can show up. Love happens when you stop worrying about proving your value and focus on edifying others instead.

I used to think the angels said “Fear not” because the appearance of Heavenly personages may have startled the poor shepherds and they were worried about frightening them — but now I think the words have deeper meaning.

Our journey through mortality is a scary endeavor. Before the Savior's birth and subsequent sacrifice on the cross, it was also a journey without hope. We had no hope of returning to live with God. Life was a testing center and even one mistake meant failing the test.

We had much to fear.

The angels, because they understood this concept, knew that Christ’s birth marked the end of that fear. Mankind was now safe. Christ and his sacrifice would change life from a testing center into a classroom. Now we could approach life without the fear of failing.

Think about what that means.

How would your life be different if you had no fear?

Because of Christ, your journey is now a safe one. When you make a mistake (which happens daily), you can repent and try again. You can keep repenting, trying, learning and growing throughout your life with no fear about not making the grade. Your life is a classroom.

Now, you can focus on the lessons each experience is here to teach you and know your value is not on the line. You have nothing to fear about not being good enough. You are good enough right now, through Christ.

Whew.

Even if you don't believe in Jesus Christ, this can completely change your attitude toward every part of your life because, as it is, you spend way too much time worrying about not being good enough.

All of your immature or selfish behavior is tied to this fear. This fear is the reason you lose your temper, say unkind things or decide to protect yourself instead of serving someone else. Fear is involved in all of your problems.

When you are afraid you’re not good enough, your focus is on you. You are worried about getting love and validation. This insecurity is a selfish place to live from. In this state you cannot build healthy relationships because you can’t really focus on other people.

If your marriage is struggling, fear is most likely the problem. Both parties may be focused on getting love instead of giving it. If your marriage is drowning in fear, there can be no love.

You cannot have love and fear at the same time. They are opposites. You can either feel scared and focus on you, or you can feel safe and focus on others. It’s an either/or situation.

Who do you want to be? A scared person or a loving one?

It is only when you have no fear that the best you can show up. In a state of no fear, you can genuinely love and serve other people. Love happens when you stop worrying about proving your value and focus on edifying others instead.

My wish for you this Christmas is that you will accept Christ and do as the angels said and “fear not.”

Go forward into this New Year with confidence and peace. You have nothing to fear.

Your value is infinite and absolute. You don’t need attention or validation from others. You know who you are. Focus on giving love and validation to others and edify people wherever you go instead.

Stop trying to earn your value through your appearance, your work or the things you own. These are not who you are. Focus on being the love in every room instead. Your love for other people is who you are.

Everywhere you go, look for opportunities for random acts of kindness. Make this year the year you lead with love. Let this Christmas message change your attitude all year long.

This one change could change your life.

Merry Christmas.

Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of www.ldslifecoaching.com and www.claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach and speaker. Watch her LIFEadvice segments on KSL TV Monday mornings at 6:15am

Oh, Blog! I've been Neglecting You...

Sometimes it is so easy to get hung up on everything else that has been going on--I forget to focus on the truly important things in my life. I had a chance to look through some pictures...and I missed the extended Blog2Print sale. (I am three years behind in printing out our family blog). It did get me looking back at this past year and wonder where it all went and how Baby and the Kiddos grew up so fast!?

Favorite picture from last Christmas:

"Say, who is this fat man in red and why is he holding me!?..." 2011 Update "Get me off this strange man, Daddy!" "Oh, and Santa--I want a playhouse and a baby doll and..." (Shy Princess isn't shy this year) And brother had all kinds of requests...like a self-portrait of Santa put in his room, along with a few small gifts (put in his room-NOT by the fireplace, Lego Heroes, etc.)

Mom, You Got it all Wrong!

"Mom, you got it all wrong! These flip flops are perfect for winter! I just went outside and checked it out, "says Princess (in her almost five but thinks she's twenty-five voice). There you have it folks. Parents--YOU ARE WRONG! Flip flops are perfectly acceptable in the Rocky Mountains in mid December in below freezing temperatures but with no snow, especially--if they match a headband and flower bag...

What Your Teenager Asked Me to Tell You

What your teenagers asked me to tell you

By Brandon Comstock, ksl.com contributor

December 16th, 2011 @ 10:53am

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SALT LAKE CITY -- For a teen, the basic goals of relating with parents are not all that different from your typical prisoner of war: First, give up as little information as possible, and second, do your best to endure whatever punishment might come your way. Parents, of course, are the dreaded interrogator. They dish out threats like, “If you ever want to see the light of day again, you’ll do what I say!” and use a variety of methods to make their message clear, like, “Play by my rules, or I’m going to make your life miserable.”

At least that’s how we as adults think they see it.

Recently, however, I got a unique chance to slip behind enemy lines and listen in on what a group of teens had to say about their relationship with you, their parents. While some of their peers may find their actions traitorous, they asked me to deliver a message back across the lines to you, their parents.

Recently, however, I got a unique chance to slip behind enemy lines and listen in on what a group of teens had to say about their relationship with you, their parents. While some of their peers may find their actions traitorous, they asked me to deliver a message back across the lines to you, their parents.

As a high school teacher, I'm generally on the same side of the fence as you are when it comes to students' opinions about opening up, but as I sat with this relatively diverse group of students one day, I was surprised to hear the unity of the voices that spoke. Whether they were a football captain or a math club president, the most popular kid in school or a social outcast, their message was the same: "We want to talk."

Now, before you think that this message is simply unbelievable, let me add on a bit of a qualifier: They also said that they want you to start.

Their shocking confessions came following a question that even I thought would yield wildly different results. At the conclusion of a class I was teaching, I simply asked them, “What do you wish your parents knew that you don’t want to tell them?” It didn’t take long for them to start shelling out advice for me to pass along.

The first girl to speak up responded, “I want them to push me. I need them too. When my parents pushed me in math I did well, but when they stopped, I lost the motivation and my grades dropped.”

As I looked around the room I saw a myriad of head nods that seemed to say, “Yep, we agree.” Still, I was skeptical, so I put it to a vote. I asked, “How many of you wish your parents would push you harder to achieve?” About two-thirds of the 30 hands went up. I was shocked, but, like a cool-headed interrogator, I decided not to show it.

I simply asked them, "What do you wish your parents knew that you don't want to tell them?" It didn't take long for them to start shelling out advice for me to pass along.

With very little delay another student raised his hand and, slowly, carefully choosing his words, said, “Sometimes, I just wish they would show some more interest in what I’m doing; you know, ask me some questions about it and stuff.”

Unsure what he meant, I pressed it a little. “What types of things are you talking about?” I asked.

“You know, like what I’m doing and where I’m going and stuff,” he answered.

Again, I was a little surprised; after all, this goes against everything I have been trained to believe as a parent/interrogator. So again, I asked the class what they thought.

I asked, “How many of you wish your parents would ask you more questions about what you’re doing and talk to you more?” This time, the number was higher: Almost three-quarters of the students raised their hands to agree.

Now before you get to jumping to conclusions and justifying away why your child is nothing like the 30 students I talked to in that class — or the several hundred I have had a chance to ask the same questions — who have given me the same answers since then, I need to make sure I tell you about the most important question they answered for me.

To put it bluntly, I was shocked and confused at the answers I had heard from my students, so I asked one final question to see if it was simply an error in my questioning: “If your parents were to do the things you just said you want them to do, how many of you would roll your eyes at them and act irritated that they would even ask?”

With the unanimity of a perfectly choreographed dance routine, their hands shot into the air to indicate that, indeed, they would.

If your parents were to do the things you just said you want them to do, how many of you would roll your eyes at them and act irritated that they would even ask? With the unanimity of a perfectly choreographed dance routine, their hands shot into the air to indicate that, indeed, they would.

Sensing my perplexity, a girl on the third row spoke up and said, “We’re teenagers, it’s our job.” Her response got a chuckle and, again, heads nodded in agreement as the students cleaned up their books and headed for the door with a smile.

Before they got away, I threw out one last question: "Are you OK if I tell your parents all of this?" One student replied, "Sure, someone has to, because we're not going to!"

So remember, even though the roles of interrogator and POW are not likely to change any time soon, don't despair, there's still hope. Just keep asking those questions, even if you do keep getting those irritated looks and eye rollings. After all, we're parents, it’s our job.

Let There Be Christmas!

Anonymous donors pay strangers' layaway accounts

By Margery A. Beck, Associated Press

December 16th, 2011 @ 9:34am

Associated Press

OMAHA, Neb. (AP) - The young father stood in line at the Kmart layaway counter, wearing dirty clothes and worn-out boots. With him were three small children.

He asked to pay something on his bill because he knew he wouldn't be able to afford it all before Christmas. Then a mysterious woman stepped up to the counter.

"She told him, `No, I'm paying for it,'" recalled Edna Deppe, assistant manager at the store in Indianapolis. "He just stood there and looked at her and then looked at me and asked if it was a joke. I told him it wasn't, and that she was going to pay for him. And he just busted out in tears."

At Kmart stores across the country, Santa is getting some help: Anonymous donors are paying off strangers' layaway accounts, buying the Christmas gifts other families couldn't afford, especially toys and children's clothes set aside by impoverished parents.

Before she left the store Tuesday evening, the Indianapolis woman in her mid-40s had paid the layaway orders for as many as 50 people. On the way out, she handed out $50 bills and paid for two carts of toys for a woman in line at the cash register.

"She was doing it in the memory of her husband who had just died, and she said she wasn't going to be able to spend it and wanted to make people happy with it," Deppe said. The woman did not identify herself and only asked people to "remember Ben," an apparent reference to her husband.

Deppe, who said she's worked in retail for 40 years, had never seen anything like it.

"It was like an angel fell out of the sky and appeared in our store," she said.

Most of the donors have done their giving secretly.

Dona Bremser, an Omaha nurse, was at work when a Kmart employee called to tell her that someone had paid off the $70 balance of her layaway account, which held nearly $200 in toys for her 4-year-old son.

"I was speechless," Bremser said. "It made me believe in Christmas again."

Dozens of other customers have received similar calls in Nebraska, Michigan, Iowa, Indiana and Montana.

The benefactors generally ask to help families who are squirreling away items for young children. They often pay a portion of the balance, usually all but a few dollars or cents so the layaway order stays in the store's system.

The phenomenon seems to have begun in Michigan before spreading, Kmart executives said.

"It is honestly being driven by people wanting to do a good deed at this time of the year," said Salima Yala, Kmart's division vice president for layaway.

The good Samaritans seem to be visiting mainly Kmart stores, though a Wal-Mart spokesman said a few of his stores in Joplin, Mo., and Chicago have also seen some layaway accounts paid off.

Kmart representatives say they did nothing to instigate the secret Santas or spread word of the generosity. But it's happening as the company struggles to compete with chains such as Wal-Mart and Target.

Kmart may be the focus of layaway generosity, Yala said, because it is one of the few large discount stores that has offered layaway year-round for about four decades. Under the program, customers can make purchases but let the store hold onto their merchandise as they pay it off slowly over several weeks.

The sad memories of layaways lost prompted at least one good Samaritan to pay off the accounts of five people at an Omaha Kmart, said Karl Graff, the store's assistant manager.

"She told me that when she was younger, her mom used to set up things on layaway at Kmart, but they rarely were able to pay them off because they just didn't have the money for it," Graff said.

He called a woman who had been helped, "and she broke down in tears on the phone with me. She wasn't sure she was going to be able to pay off their layaway and was afraid their kids weren't going to have anything for Christmas."

"You know, 50 bucks may not sound like a lot, but I tell you what, at the right time, it may as well be a million dollars for some people," Graff said.

Graff's store alone has seen about a dozen layaway accounts paid off in the last 10 days, with the donors paying $50 to $250 on each account.

"To be honest, in retail, it's easy to get cynical about the holidays, because you're kind of grinding it out when everybody else is having family time," Graff said. "It's really encouraging to see this side of Christmas again."

Lori Stearnes of Omaha also benefited from the generosity of a stranger who paid all but $58 of her $250 layaway bill for toys for her four youngest grandchildren.

Stearnes said she and her husband live paycheck to paycheck, but she plans to use the money she was saving for the toys to help pay for someone else's layaway.

In Missoula, Mont., a man spent more than $1,200 to pay down the balances of six customers whose layaway orders were about to be returned to a Kmart store's inventory because of late payments.

Store employees reached one beneficiary on her cellphone at Seattle Children's Hospital, where her son was being treated for an undisclosed illness.

"She was yelling at the nurses, `We're going to have Christmas after all!'" store manager Josine Murrin said.

A Kmart in Plainfield Township, Mich., called Roberta Carter last week to let her know a man had paid all but 40 cents of her $60 layaway.

Carter, a mother of eight from Grand Rapids, Mich., said she cried upon hearing the news. She and her family have been struggling as she seeks a full-time job.

"My kids will have clothes for Christmas," she said.

Angie Torres, a stay-at-home mother of four children under the age of 8, was in the Indianapolis Kmart on Tuesday to make a payment on her layaway bill when she learned the woman next to her was paying off her account.

"I started to cry. I couldn't believe it," said Torres, who doubted she would have been able to pay off the balance. "I was in disbelief. I hugged her and gave her a kiss."

___

Associated Press writers Michael J. Crumb in Des Moines, Iowa; Matt Volz, in Helena, Mont.; and Jeff Karoub in Detroit contributed to this report.

(Copyright 2011 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.)

Found this Funny--(Don't Take it too Seriously)

Prospective student asks about USU's 'Mormon problem'

Published: Thursday, November 3, 2005

Updated: Monday, August 9, 2010 14:08

Editor's note: This is an actual letter that was sent to a Statesman editor. It is printed below exactly as it originally appeared. Following the letter are some of the statements two of our columnists responded with.

Hi, I am a student looking at Utah State University as my college of choice. Right now I am a senior in highschool. I am looking into a major in engineering. I have visited the college and I love the campus, but my main concern is something you cant exactly take a tour of ... Mormons! I live in a very Mormon town in Idaho. I am not Mormon my self. I personally do not care for them, and sometimes get very annoyed at their goodie-goodie ness. Maybe you could answer a couple questions about USU? Please understand I am not trying to offend anyone, I just want some straight answers. I have heard USU is a second BYU Provo, is this true? On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 is the most) how 'Mormon' is the student body? What is the party life like? Are the parties ever very big? Are any of the frats considered wild? What is underage drinking like? Are Mormons in your face all the time? Are you going to get weird looks on campus if you are doing something Mormons wouldn't agree with? eg a short skirt on a girl. What are the ladies like - be honest, are they typical stuck-up Mormon daddies girls? Do girls try to pressure you into getting married, should one date a Mormon girl? Are there any big rivalries in football/soccer or other sports? I don't play to major in partying, I just want to have the old college experience of attending my fair share of parties, and getting plenty drunk along the way. Thanks, Steve ps I got your email through a google search, i'm not a stalker or anything.

Steve: We think you've touched on some very important issues. Mormons, as a whole, are a huge concern around thse parts. Check the nooks. Check the crannies. Check under every rock in the riverbed. There are Mormons there. They are everywhere. You cannot escape them. To answer your questions ...

I have heard USU is a second BYU Provo, is this true?

• Sadly. No. USU is the first BYU Provo. Founded by Wilford Woodruff in the late 1890s, USU is funded entirely by a Mormon polygamist splinter faction. Besides, we're actually more like BYU-Hawaii, only replace the beaches of golden sand and clear water with a valley filled with fog, smog and trog and replace the the BY with US.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 is the most) how 'Mormon' is the student body?

• The hot Mormons usually rank around a 10. The ones with "sweet spirits" are usually more around a 2 or a 3. We usually add an extra point if she has red hair but that's just us. That's the coolest thing about USU; we let you come up with your own system to rank other students' Mormon bodies.

What is the party life like?

• There are plenty of opportunities to "cut loose" and a "have a good time" while remembering who you are, choosing the right and returning with honor. Still, ever seen "Animal House?" Ever seen "Johnny Lingo?" It's pretty much a cross between the two.

Are the parties ever very big?

• No one rocks harder than God.

Are any of the frats considered wild?

• Nah, they used to be but they started coming closer and closer to town, and folks started feeding them people food. Now they can't fend for themselves in the wild. It's kinda sad but we are setting up a reserve for them.

What is underage drinking like?

• A lot like drinking when you're of age, only illegal. It's also like driving when you're fourteen. You think you're cool, but every one older thinks you're a dork.

Are Mormons in your face all the time?

• As a non-Mormon, you will probably have to fight a few off. But don't worry, they're generally not physically strong and can be taken down with a simple punch to the throat, or kick to the groin. Also, holy water and garlic can fend most of them off.

Are you going to get weird looks on campus if you are doing something Mormons wouldn't agree with? eg a short skirt

• Steve, we don't care where are in the world. You shouldn't be wearing a short skirt. Come on man. You're better than that.

What are the ladies like - be honest, are they typical stuck-up Mormon daddies girls?

• Some girls come from polygamist households, which can result in the most serious of daddy issues. But the remainder of ladies (Mormon or not) ... that's a subject we are experts on. The ladies talk a lot. We're not sure about what. We also know they smell better than guys, have curves where we don't and get lost easily. They usually have soft hands.

Do girls try to pressure you into getting married, should one date a Mormon girl?

• Don't you watch sitcoms or read the funnies? Women are always tyring to get you to marry them. This is just part of life you're gonna need to get used to. Once chicks graduate high school they instantly begin looking for the ring. They that their hotness only lasts for so long and are looking to wrap you in while they can.

Are there any big rivalries in football/soccer or other sports?

• Football and soccer hate each other. It dates back hundreds of years to the time when what we call football s ole the name from what we now call soccer. Soccer's been pissed about it ever since. As for other sports: hockey hates basketball, wrestling hates boxing and lacrosse pretty much hates everyobdy else. What's with the off topic questions? Let's stick to stuff about USU.

As far as not wanting to major in partying, you should major in Spanish and minor in partying. And keep in mind your "fair share" of parties is two. Anymore than that and you're just being greedy.

Good luck, Steve, and godspeed.

Aaron Falk and Steve Shinney are both editors and columnists at the Utah Statesman. Comments, as well your own responses to Steve, can be sent to acf@cc.usu.edu, steveshinney@cc.usu.edu.