How Do People Stay Positive When Things are Really Tough?

LIFEadvice: The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off until further notice

By Kimberly Sayer-giles, ksl.com Contributor

August 26th, 2011 @ 10:40pm

Question:

How do people stay positive when things are really rough? I know we can’t be the only family struggling to keep our heads above water. Could you give us any tips for getting through the discouragement? How can we stay happy in the face of huge setbacks and problems?

Answer:

I’m so glad you asked this question because you are definitely not alone. Most families are experiencing some fear and stress about their situations right now.

Here are nine tips for surviving rough times with a smile.

1. Understand that even if you can't control outside circumstances, you can decide how you want to experience them. Since negativity will get you nowhere, choose a positive attitude even if it’s ridiculously optimistic. Refuse to dwell in fear.

Consciously choose to trust that you will make it through and gain strength and wisdom from this experience. Every situation makes you a better person and this one will serve you in some way. Choose to believe good things are coming. They might be – you don’t know what’s around the next corner and it’s more enjoyable to expect the best than the worst.

2. Remember this won’t last forever. Life is cyclical and you will always have your ups and downs. Life is a beautiful mix of blessings and challenges. Whether things are good or bad, it won’t last forever. Decide to accept the impermanent nature of life. Those who expect it to always be easy will always be disappointed. Try to embrace the difficult times as a perfect and inevitable part of your journey.

3. Hang out with positive people. Avoid negative people who wallow in their stories of woe. Misery loves company but it doesn’t have to be yours. Choose to associate with people who think positive. Make friends with people who are problem solvers and motivated to create good things in their lives. It will rub off on you.

4. Read encouraging, uplifting books and listen to upbeat, happy music. Choose books that give you a fresh perspective on life and music that makes you want to dance. A library card and listening to the radio are both free. The personal development author and speaker Og Mandino wrote about the night his life fell apart. He thought about killing himself but decided to go to the library instead. He read every book he could find on positive thinking and it changed his life. It could change yours.

5. Start a gratitude journal. Focus on what you do have. Enjoy even the smallest of blessings and treasure every simple happy moment. Take time each day to write down five things you are grateful for. You’ll be amazed at how blessed you really are.

6. Work on your spirituality. Research shows that those who practice faith and maintain a relationship with God live longer and more satisfying lives. Turn your worries over to a higher power and practice faith.

7. Laugh as much as possible. Laugh together as a family. Watch funny movies, read joke books and keep your sense of humor alive. Watch "Wipeout" or "America's Funniest Home Videos." For some reason watching other people fail really cheers you up. When we were struggling we often laughed about just how bad off we were. We had nothing more to lose so we just had to laugh at it.

8. Reach out to others who are worse off than you. Get your focus off your own problems. Perform acts of service. Find a place to volunteer. Service will change your perspective. You will feel better right away.

9. Get some help. A little professional help could make a huge difference especially if you are feeling depressed. You are in charge of your destiny so get some help to change the course of your life. There are many life coaches, counselors and therapists in your area to call on.

"A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before the change. Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us." - Earl Nightingale

Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of LDS Life Coaching and www.claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach who has a popular radio show LIFEadvice on Utah's AM 1430 Saturday Mornings at 8 a.m. MST

Our Mexican Vacation (Part 2)

On the road again! Still heading south through Arizona...cactus forests, swirling dust devils, sand, weeds, different little roadside alters and grave markers (which I had trouble getting a picture of!). Joe fills up for gas and gets ice creams for the kids in the balmy southern Arizona heat. Bubble-blowing contest or "Bored Kids." The U.S. Border from the Arizona aide.

Our Mexican Vacation (Part 1)

Joe has listened to a friend at work rave about a place called Rocky Point (Puerto Penasco) Mexico for a few years now. Our vacation week was coming and we had planned to take the children to Lake Powell for the Meteor Shower in mid August. We looked at places to stay and found a good deal on a two bedroom condo with a pull-out sofa bed with ground floor access to the pool and beach and we began to dream...

It is 15 hours or so by car from here to there (in addition to stops which our family needed lots of). Some funny memories of the trip down...We passed 4 semis of chickens not long after crossing into very hot Arizona. The white chickens feather blew around the road like it was fulfilling the phrase, "When it snows in ____________" We enjoyed listening to an audio book when the Veggietale movie did not hold the driver's interest any longer. Everyone from our four year old to our thirteen year old listened (without getting bored!) to Okay For Now by Gary D. Schmidt.

In Arizona, we neared Flagstaff at twilight. Joe was hoping to push on to Phoenix or even Gila Bend. We had no reservation and I was tired and so we found a Rodeway Inn. We should have been clued in by the security man walking the parking lot, or the sign below in the sparsely furnished room, or the moldy smell and the squishy carpet right out of the bathroom. We stayed in probably an unsavory part of town. Still, we had real beds to sleep in, we ate a simple breakfast of muffins and got back on the road fairly early the next day.

Temple

Funny?

"So what I'm gonna do now is freak the freak out!..." We pass this sign every day. Bekah is taking a two week guitar workshop. Don't forget to "freekit!"

Nonfiction Fiction Fans Will Love

Book Matters: Nonfiction fiction fans will love

August 3rd, 2011 @ 7:40pm

By Teri Harman, ksl.com contributor

SALT LAKE CITY — Many readers don't even realize that they have fallen into a rut.

Many get comfortable in one or two genres and never think of branching out. If you are in a fiction-rut, then it's time to pull out and read some nonfiction. Not all non-fiction is academic, dry or difficult to finish. These real-life stories are as well written, moving and memorable as the best fictional novels. And it's a wonderful way to learn something new and enhance the reading experience.

Reach up, climb out and grab one of these unbelievably good books:

1. "Shadow Divers" by Robert Kurson

Imagine strapping on an oxygen tank — life in a bottle — and diving to the undiscovered depths of the ocean. Imagine swimming through the ghostly skeletal ruins of a sunken submarine, moving an inch a minute to avoid stirring up too much silt, and praying that the deteriorating structure around you does not collapse. Imagine risking your own life and watching fellow divers die, all in the name of discovery.

For John Chatterton and Richie Kohler that was life. That was how they uncovered the answer to one of the last mysteries of World War II. This book is their story. It's riveting, beautifully written and quite simply one of the best nonfiction adventure stories out there. Read it!

This one is good for guys.

2. "The Man Who Listens to Horses" by Monty Roberts

One Sunday afternoon a couple years ago, while visiting my parents' house, I was lazily browsing the bookshelves and came across this book. It had been sitting on that shelf since Christmas of 1997, as the inscription from my mom to my dad read, but I had never before bothered to look at it. I turned to the first page and soon could not put it down. I would never have guessed that I would find such depth, such tenderness, and such perfection in the pages of this humble book.

Monty Roberts is the real-life horse whisperer — a man with a rare and miraculous ability to relate to horses. Roberts' gift, afforded by a rare kind of color blindness and hours of careful observation, allows him to communicate with horses and other animals with body language and unique techniques. His journey from rodeo rider to revolutionizing the horse-training world is a gentle, inspirational and unforgettable story.

Absolutely amazing. This one is also good for guys.

3. "Between a Rock and a Hard Place" by Aron Ralston

If you've been to my blog recently, you may have noticed this book. I read it a few months ago and my book club just finished our exciting exploration of it. I picked it up expecting to find a harrowing survival story, but instead I found a physical, mental and spiritual journey that has forever touched my soul. It's a surprise so deeply human and so beautifully written, that I can't say enough about it.

Ralston was forced to cut off his own arm after it was pinned by a large boulder while he was hiking in a southern Utah slot canyon. The intriguing thing about the story is not that he cuts off his own arm, but the thoughts, emotions and experiences that led up to that incredible act.

This one is also good for guys.

4. "The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels" by Ree Drummond

Drummond, a city girl turned rancher's wife, started blogging in 2006. Her humorous observations and accounts of ranch life soon earned her a loyal and large following. One morning, unsure of what to post on her blog, Drummond wrote a short blurb about how she and her husband, known as Marlboro Man, met and fell in love. Readers went nuts, and she wrote more. Soon that one short story turned into a published memoir.

This humorous telling of her love story is a delight to read. I constantly forgot that the story was real. It reads just like a fabulous southern novel.

5. "My Life in France" by Julia Child with Alex Prud'Homme

After seeing the movie, "Julie and Julia,” which is now one of my favorites, I picked up this book eager to know more about this fascinating woman's life. This memoir, completed by her nephew after Child's death in 2004, tells the story of 6 foot 2 inch tall woman from Pasadena, Calif., who was out of place but looking for a purpose in France. Her journey from bored housewife to culinary genius is remarkably endearing and entertaining.

Child's story proves that if you love something and work hard, then you can be successful. She forever changed the way Americans cook and pioneered the way for TV chefs.

I find myself in the fiction rut on a regular basis and am always looking to break up my routine with unforgettable nonfiction. What is your favorite nonfiction book? Share your picks on the Comment Board or on the Book Matters Facebook page. You can also send me a tweet at @bookmattersblog.

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About the Author: Teri Harman

Teri Harman writes and reads from home amid the chaos of three young children. For more book reviews and book fun, visit her blog at book-matters.blogspot.com You can also follow Teri on Facebook (Book Matters) or Twitter (@bookmattersblog)

Harry Potter Party (Part 2)

The Party-going "First Years" turn the magical brick and enter Diagon Alley to purchase their school supplies: black work robe, caldron, wand, quill, various spell books, pet (cat, rat, owl, toad, etc.)

Posted notices about Sirus Black, escaped serial killer from Azkaban. A gaggle of giggly First Years at Hogworts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Bekah with best friend Abby (Can you guess who she is? Rita Skeeter, of course!) All the Hogwort's students push their things past the 9 3/4 sign at King's Cross Station to board the train. (Minus the pesky wind, with the door open, the children liked the pathetic attempt at a magical brick wall.) The Moving Staircase that leads to the Main Hall at Hogwort's has "moving pictures" on the walls. (We found these at the local dollar store--they are a little "Dark Artsy.")

Harry Potter Party (Part 1)

When our second daughter informed us that she would like to have a Harry Potter Party for her Eleventh Birthday, we were a little overwhelmed and hesitant because we had around two weeks to pull it off. I began ordering some "essentials" from Amazon (Sorting hat, Platform 9 and 3/4 sign, a plastic brick wall, a Hogworts Banner, a smoking cauldron, etc.) so they would come in time.

We gathered supplies we would need, loaned library books on hosting a party and magical cooking, and made a cool Hogworts invitation and hand delivered them. We used green wax and an old seal. We individually addressed each child "student's invitation to attend Hogwort's School." Joe made up a Marauder's Map with a map to our house we included in the invitation. The night before the party, we made candy, decorated, and tried to set up all we could. I hope the pictures below will help to "say a thousand words" so I won't have to. "Princess," Joe, "Party Girl" and LavonAlise are gathering around our double broiler making the filled Chocolate Frogs for the party. On the table shown are Cockroach Clusters (left), Peppermint Toads (shown upper right side; dipped half way Haribo gummy frogs with crushed peppermint sprinkles), Wizard Hats (dipped Bugles), Chocolate Frogs (center), candy "Warts," and the Snowballs that Joe scavenged from all the gas stations around here for the "Pygmy Puffs." The Library table is filled with Harry Potter Party Props..."Funkins," Changing Pictures (from the Dollar Store), cauldrons, a metal spider, brick wall plasstic, things for our "Potions (Science experiments) and bags of Dollar Store Candy for our "Honeydukes Candy Shoppe." Joe's Sister, Lavonalise, and Bekah are making the favor bags (broomsticks with Quidditch Mix inside and large Pretzel stick handles." The Quidditch Mix (made up of Caramel Chex Mix, gummie frogs and worms, wizard hats (Bugles), mint chocolate drops--instead of red and yellow M and M's).

Manners?

Does your child have proper manners? Check the checklist

July 19th, 2011 @ 6:30pm

By Brooke Walker

SALT LAKE CITY — Recently, Dr. David Lowry published an online article that had parenting circles abuzz. He outlined 25 manners every child should know by the age of 9.

Some were obvious, like please, thank you and excuse me. But just how on track are most 9-year-olds? We went straight to the source to test it out.

Related:

25 manners every child should learn before age 9 Helping your child master these simple rules of etiquette will get him noticed -- for all the right reasons.

We clued in early on an "easy bribe" for our group of 8- almost 9-year-old test subjects: Buy them a McDonald's Happy Meal, and they were more than willing to talk — just not with their mouths full.

"Don't slurp," Maddy Hansen warned emphatically. "It will annoy other people who are trying to eat."

Her friends had other offering of good advice.

"Answer the phone politely, don't yell at people," said Greta Asay.

"Don't put your elbows on the table," cautioned Zoee Perry.

Rex Bell had a reminder for anyone enjoying a performance: "If you're phone is ringing, you should turn it off or not answer it."

While they were right on in their interpretation and comprehension of manners, etiquette blogger Janine Ottley says there are many people still playing catch up.

Want to teach manners?

If you're looking at David Lowry's list of 25 manners and thinking your child could use some help, here is a list of children's books written to teach manners:

• "Time to say Please" by Mo Willems
• "Mary Louise Loses her Manners" by Diane Cuneo
• "Manners Can be Fun" by Munro Leaf
• "Dear Miss Perfect" by Sandra Dutton
• "365 Manners Kids Should Know" by Sheryl Eberly

"Our culture forgot that these things are important. We're now playing catch-up because there is a whole new generation out there that does not have good manners," she said.

After reviewing Dr. Lowry's list, she felt a few points really popped to the top.

• If a door is shut? Knock.

  "I think it does show respect when. If a door is closed, they know there is a reason for that door being closed," Ottley agreed.

• Answering the phone politely.

  Ottley helps her kids learn the drill by signing them up for "Grandma Phone Camp."

  "My mom will spend the day for each particular child calling and training my kids to answer the phone properly," she explains. "And so for my household, they will call and my kids need to say, ‘Hello. Ottley's. This is 'so-and-so' speaking.'"

• Sitting through a performance.

  Barring any physical or emotional issues, Ottley says most 9-years-olds should be able to stick it out. "I think taking them out or making excuses makes it a lot more difficult to teach that."

More than just providing parental satisfaction, Ottley believes these simple skills will translate into life success.

"These are skills. No one will have to teach them, and I know will be impressive in the workplace and everywhere else they are," Ottley said. "I'm raising young ladies and young men with manners. It makes a huge difference."

Email: bwalker@ksl.com

25 Manners

25 Manners Every Kid Should Know By Age 9

by Parents.com, on Tue May 3, 2011 1:21pm PDT

Helping your child master these simple rules of etiquette will get him noticed -- for all the right reasons. By David Lowry, Ph.D. Your child's rude 'tude isn't always intentional. Sometimes kids just don't realize it's impolite to interrupt, pick their nose, or loudly observe that the lady walking in front of them has a large behind. And in the hustle and bustle of daily life, busy moms and dads don't always have the time to focus on etiquette. But if you reinforce these 25 must-do manners, you'll raise a polite, kind, well-liked child.- Manner #1 When asking for something, say "Please." Manner #2 When receiving something, say "Thank you." Manner #3

Do not interrupt grown-ups who are speaking with each other unless there is an emergency. They will notice you and respond when they are finished talking.

Manner #4

If you do need to get somebody's attention right away, the phrase "excuse me" is the most polite way for you to enter the conversation.

Manner #5

When you have any doubt about doing something, ask permission first. It can save you from many hours of grief later.

Manner #6

The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults.

Manner #7

Do not comment on other people's physical characteristics unless, of course, it's to compliment them, which is always welcome.

Manner #8

When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are.

Manner #9

When you have spent time at your friend's house, remember to thank his or her parents for having you over and for the good time you had.

Manner #10

Knock on closed doors -- and wait to see if there's a response -- before entering.

Manner #11

When you make a phone call, introduce yourself first and then ask if you can speak with the person you are calling.

Manner #12

Be appreciative and say "thank you" for any gift you receive. In the age of e-mail, a handwritten thank-you note can have a powerful effect.

Manner #13

Never use foul language in front of adults. Grown-ups already know all those words, and they find them boring and unpleasant.

Manner #14

Don't call people mean names.

Manner #15

Do not make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak, and ganging up on someone else is cruel.

Manner #16

Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best.

Manner #17

If you bump into somebody, immediately say "Excuse me."

Manner #18

Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don't pick your nose in public.

Manner #19

As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else.

Manner #20

If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help. If they say "yes," do so -- you may learn something new.

Manner #21

When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.

Manner #22

When someone helps you, say "thank you." That person will likely want to help you again. This is especially true with teachers!

Manner #23

Use eating utensils properly. If you are unsure how to do so, ask your parents to teach you or watch what adults do.

Manner #24

Keep a napkin on your lap; use it to wipe your mouth when necessary.

Manner #25

Don't reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.

Originally published in the March 2011 issue of Parents magazine.